Invincible Me by Addison Lloyd

Author:Addison Lloyd [Lloyd, Addison]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-04-27T16:00:00+00:00

Nine

I was on edge, as if preparing for war. I picked at my food and tried not to throw up. Which, of course, triggered my mom’s worry alarm. It didn’t take much. Sometimes, only a frown would have her asking if I was in pain. Would she ever accept I was fine and not going to die at any moment? Would I get to that point?

Before she let me leave the house, I had to reassure her for the hundredth time that I was fine. And remind her I was just going to Carli’s. I also told a small fib about having had a late snack, to explain my lack of appetite. A harmless mom-lie. But I couldn’t tell her the truth: I was afraid my girlfriend was either breaking up with me or not.

Which one did I prefer, anyway? If I stayed with Carli, I wouldn’t have to come out. I wouldn’t have to admit to my friends I was into guys. Or my parents or the whole damn school. Staying in the closet would be easier, right?

But was I willing to give all that up for Caleb and the possibility of us?

And that bothered me the most. If Carli didn’t break up with me, did I need to break up with her? Because no matter what happened with Caleb, staying with Carli meant living a lie. I was attracted to girls; that wasn’t it. But almost kissing Caleb was a thousand times better and more exciting than an actual kiss from my girlfriend. And pretending I still wanted to kiss her and wanted to be with her when I wanted Caleb was wrong.

I didn’t want to lose Carli. She was one of my best friends. Hiding in my bed with the blankets over my head, drowning myself in music and self-disgust, was the most appealing solution but how long could I do that?

I had to face Carli and tell her the truth. And hope she didn’t hate me.

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